Day 69 - Losing motivation

Lately, I've had a hard time finding the energy and motivation to do these workouts. Today, I just didn't.

When I'm stressed from school, I find working out to be a great outlet. I sweat and I burn my negative energy off by exercising, and I come out of it feeling more focused and more able to tackle everything on my to-do list. However, with family, friend or boyfriend stress, it's a different story. My post from a few days ago still rings true, and that issue is still going on. At first I pushed through it and found strength to work out, but I couldn't do that tonight. I'm mentally, emotionally and spiritually exhausted from this fight. Chris talked with me earlier about doing Kenpo together, and I confessed that I didn't have it in me. We had a long talk that ended with me crying, and deciding to forgo the workout and prepare lunches for tomorrow instead. It's funny. School stress vs. life stress.

I'm still a wreck. I had to stop typing halfway through that paragraph to shed some more tears. Now, not only am I tired from the fighting, I'm frustrated that I let it get to me. I was annoyed at myself for not being able to suck it up and get it over with. I felt like a failure. Thank goodness for Chris. He was very reassuring and supportive which was exactly what I needed. But I still have this nagging feeling of defeat, of failure.

After all of this, in the back of my mind, I promised myself that I would do my best for the next 20 days. I really am proud of how much I've achieved and what I've learned, and I know in my heart that I won't let that go to waste. Still, it's hard when I've been rocked so hard. Tomorrow's a new day, though, and we'll see what it brings.

Day 9 - The Power of Exercise

Today wasn't good. Well, I shouldn't say that. This evening wasn't good. Allow me to elaborate.

I was at school all day. My classes ended at 6:00, and then I had a meeting to go to. After that, I realized I couldn't catch a bus from where I was, so I had to walk a kilometre to the nearest bus stop in the pouring rain and 50km winds. No boots, no raincoat, no umbrella (although that wouldn't have done me much good, since I saw a few people struggling to keep theirs right-side out). I get to the bus stop and I'm mulling over everything on my to-do list, totally stressing myself out. The bus comes, I get home, and Chris is making a stir fry. I'm soaked and tired and hungry, and the last thing I want to do is a stupid workout. Chris is trying to talk me into doing it, saying it won't take long. But all I can think of is my massive to-do list.

Then I sat down and flipped through the book of DVD workouts, landing on Cardio X. There Tony stands, every muscle in his body highlighted in the black and white picture. I'm thinking, "I feel shitty right now. I'm cranky, I'm tired, and I'm stressed." Then I looked at Tony again, and flipped through and looked at the other photos. The Plyometrics sleeve was empty, from Chris's completed workout an hour prior. Then I thought, "There will be days when I feel like garbage. There will be days when I'm so tired I can't function, and days when I'm so sick I can't get out of bed. Those are the days I should take off as rest days. I ate extremely well today, I don't want to waste that. It's only one workout. I can do this. I should do this."

And so, I got changed, got my water, set up my mat, put in Cardio X and pressed play. And pressing play, folks, was the hardest part of my workout.

Within minutes I was less cranky. I even smiled when I did my hamstring stretch and touched the floor. As I warmed up, the stress left me. It literally melted away. I suddenly felt rejuvenated, and with some stretches, strain, and lots of sweat, I finished the workout I had been dreading only 40 minutes prior. And now I have a clear mind to focus, and a clear conscience to boot. And I'm much, much happier. That's the power of exercise.

The inspiration!